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Posted by Sharyn

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-dark-beauties-2025

There's really no such thing as a "typical" wedding cake anymore.

So today, we're going to give in to our dark sides a little.

We have to start with classic black, right?

(By Hey There Cupcake, California)

Stunning, hand-painted black.

Of course, there are a lot of dark choices beyond black. How about this gorgeous teal number?

(By Have+Some+Cake, United Kingdom)

The rich color, offset tier, and hand-painting really put this one over the top.

Or maybe you'd prefer a forest that isn't at all forbidding.

(By Immaculate Confections, United Kingdom)

In fact, I'd call it enchanting.

This red cake was inspired by Melisandre, the Red Priestess from "Game of Thrones."

(By Candytuft Cakes, Ireland)

It doesn't need to cast a glamour to be beautiful. Wow.

Then there are the times you just want to burst onto the scene and yell, "Ta da!"

(By Kuchen Diva, Switzerland)

Ta da!

The "origami" is edible wafer paper. So clever.

This purple cake isn't exactly a shrinking violet:

(By Dolce Lusso Cakes, United Kingdom)

Those are handmade sugar orchids; I like how the gold leaf really makes them pop.

And look at all the different textures on this stunner:

(By Foxtail Bakeshop, Oregon)

Quick. Somebody knit me this cake!

The baker went for a crumpled metal effect on this steampunk-inspired cake, very funky cool:

(By Sylwia Sobiegraj The Cake Designer, Ireland)

Plus it took me a second to realize only two of the roses are sculpted; the middle one is hand-painted.

Proving yet again that steampunk doesn't have to be brown!

Not that there's anything wrong with brown, of course...

(By Cove Cake Design, Ireland)

Mmm. Do you think that's chocolate? I think it's chocolate. Does anyone have a fork so I can check? And maybe some milk?

But I digress...

Let's end with a splash of deep, dark color:

(By The Cocoa Cakery, Canada)

I think I'm in love.

These cakes certainly prove there's no reason to be afraid of the dark.

Isn't that Sweet?

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-dark-beauties-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-turkey-aftermath-2025

Ahhh, turkey cake wrecks. The bane-yet-blessing of my bloggy existence.

::pause::

Wanna see some more?

If there were a Vegas review starring hot dogs and/or Twinkies...uh...dangit, now I kind of wish that actually existed. Somebody get on that, will you?

The irony, it runs deep.

(For extra lolz, just imagine the little feet wiggling.)

I'm sure you've seen ads for those turkey ice cream cakes. You know, these ones?

Well, expectation, meet reality:

(Once you start seeing this as a greased pig stuck in a rabbit hole, it's pretty much all you CAN see.)

And finally, I've seen my share of disturbing turkey cakes, believe me. (BELIEVE ME.) And yet, I think this really could be the MOST disturbing turkey cake I have ever seen.

[blinking]

Turkey cake is people!  

TURKEY CAKE IS PEOPLE!!

Thanks to wreckporters Beth J., Nicki B., Rebecca W., & Courtney for "working" on a holiday. Extra leftovers for you, guys!

*****

Here's a new game - at least to me - that's getting rave reviews for family game time:

Beat That! The Bonkers Battle Of Wacky Challenges

Beat That comes with a huge assortment of physical game challenges, from bouncing balls into cups to picking up dice with a pair of chopsticks, and you bet with tokens on which challenges you think you can beat inside the time limit. Looks like fast-paced, silly fun. I'm thinking of bringing it to Thanksgiving this year, to break up the post-turkey sleepy time, heh.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-turkey-aftermath-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/takes-direction-well-2025

Ever feel like you've lost your direction in life? 

Do you find yourself wandering aimlessly through bakery aisles and back alley icing parlors*?

* I don't actually know if back alley icing parlors exist, but a girl can dream.

Are you stuck in the hangar bay of life, waiting for the pod bay doors of opportunity to open up and spit you out into the sucking black void of PURPOSE?

If the answer is yes, maybe, or "huh?", then have I got the job for you!

That's right, my friends, the time has never been riper to be a Wreckerator! Or a person who likes to mix metaphors badly, like a withered, overripe tree in space. 

But let's focus on the wrecking thing for now, shall we?

We're looking for a few good pairs of hands (preferably attached to still-functioning torsos) that can follow directions TO THE LETTER.

And by "we" I mean "me."

And if you see something grammatically wrong with that statement, then I'm afraid you're already disqualified. Kindly collect your complimentary "Prefessional Baker" buttons at the door and show yourselves out.

Now, for the rest of you, just LOOK at all the exciting things your future could have in store!

The glamor! The excitement! The satisfaction of giving a customer EXACTLY what they ask for!

But the REAL cherry on top? Someday you, too, could write, "cherry on top" on one of your orders!

Consider this something to work toward.

Now, who here failed Biology?

Ah, excellent! 

Because next up: baby shower cakes.

Thanks to Inge D., Stephanie S., Emily S., Stephanie H., & Sargam M. for being the wind beneath my leaves. Except there's no wind...IN SPACE.

*****

P.S. I found a book right up our wrecky alley:

A Wizard's Guide To Defensive Baking

I don't even need a synopsis. I'm sold.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/takes-direction-well-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/er-mah-gourd-2025

Eek! I think I’ve forgotten to mention this year what is possibly the most popular indicator of Fall - you know, the one you see in every coffee shop, restaurant, and bakery across the nation.

Yep, I'm talking about that ubiquitous Fall flavor:

...Poop brûlée

Kidding, kidding. We all know the actual flavor of Fall is pumpkin:

...with poop on top.

Or on the side!

Or just washed down the edges.

Or whatever is happening here.

And when bakers aren't grossing us out with log-a-riffic "stem" action on their pumpkin cakes, they're busy gleefully spitting in the eye of Mother Nature:

I can just imagine them dramatically twirling their mustachios now:

 "Take THAT, nature, with your natural shapes, and your natural colors, and your sickening lack of spikes and crappy silly string. HA. Haha! AHAHAHAHAHAA!!"

"Oh, and I always wanted my pumpkins to have a sphincter, so there."

Now, you might be questioning whether that is actually supposed to be a pumpkin.

First of all, NEVER QUESTION THE JEN.

Lest she speak of herself in the third person.

And second of all, of COURSE it's a pumpkin.

Can't you see that it's orange? And green? And brown? 

 WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT, YOU UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE PUMPKIN EATERS?

Ah. 

Well, don't you worry; the turkey cakes are coming.

Thanks to Carol W., Rheanne K., Dawn R., Brady, Julie P., Holley R., Jessica S., & Lisa S. for the excuse to type the following: Ermahgourd! Permpkins!

*****

P.S. Here's a great book for those of you with kids around the house this Thanksgiving:

How To Catch A Turkey

The illustrations are fantastic and it's especially fun to real aloud:

****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/er-mah-gourd-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/christmas-blues-2025

I have a problem around this time of year. It's kind of embarrassing, but I'm hoping I'm not the only one. 

It goes like this:

I'll be out shopping somewhere with John, when suddenly:

I'll hear it.

And I'll think, "No, it can't be. They wouldn't play THAT song. Not here! It must be some other song."

Then a few more seconds will go by, and I'll realize:

It IS that song.

They're playing Christmas Shoes.

So I tell myself I'll just ignore it. I talk to John a little louder. I try humming It's A Small World. But it's no use:

I start listening, in spite of myself.

And ninety seconds later:

[sobbing] "Buy him the shoes! BUY THE LITTLE BOY THE SHOES FOR HIS DYING MOTHER! AaahhhaaaaHAAA!!"

 And my mascara's running everywhere...

And the cashier is like:

And all the other customers are like:

And I turn to John for support, but he's crying, too, so we're BOTH like:

And THAT is why I'm never going back to that Honey Baked Ham outlet.

Thanks to Hannah F., Kimberly S., Linda M., Anony M., Rachel S.,  Marissa C.,  Jodee R., Kizzie F., & David G. who might claim they don't cry at Christmas Shoes, but if so they're filthy, filthy liars.

And just in case you haven’t heard it yet this year, here it is. BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

Here's a fun, trauma-free Christmas story you can read with your kids:

Jolly Jingle Christmas Book With Push-Button Sounds

You play the sound effects on the side as you read through the story together. Awww.

I also found a cute finger puppet book for Hanukkah:

Happy Hanukkah, Little Dreidel! Finger Puppet Board Book

*****

And because Christmas is the perfect time for DIY gnomes:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/christmas-blues-2025

Posted by Sharyn

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/shoo-horns-2025

Are you tired of buying a special dessert every Thanksgiving, only to have your friends and family snarf it all down before you get a piece?

Then this year, why not buy:

The Cornucrapia
Leftovers Guaranteed!™

That's right, your local bakers have twisted the traditional "Horn of Plenty" into something MUCH less appetizing! Just choose from any of these exciting designs!

The Black Hole

The Stinky Slinky

The Mud Slide

The Twirly Turd

The Purge

The Litter of Runts

And that relentless best seller:

The Miserable Vomitous Mass

(or Humperdink, for short.)

Find yours at a local wreckery today!

Thanks to Kelly G., Sarah, Joanna C., Roni F., Jesse, Maureen S., and Dan W. for horning in on our Thanksgiving parade.

*****

For those of you with kids around the house this Thanksgiving, here's a fun family read:

How To Catch A Turkey

The illustrations are fantastic and it's especially fun to real aloud:

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/shoo-horns-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/howdy-pilgrim-2025

Thanksgiving is coming, my friends, so here's a handy guide for identifying the goods in your local bakery:

1) Anything in a black hat is a pilgrim.

"Top o' the morning to ye!"

 * snore *

"Buh-KAWK!"

2) Anything in a blue headband is a Native American.

"Could I...BE any creepier?"

"Yep, I guess I could."

"Now let's get sweatin' to those oldies, ladies!"

3) Everything else is a turkey.

Probably.

Thanks to Brittany W., Louise C., Angela B., Angelica W., Jenn, Dave B., & Samantha E., who figure that last wreck is worth at least two bucks.

*****

I need y'all to see these ADORABLE pumpkin pie earrings:

Handmade Polymer Clay Pie Earrings

And no, I didn't make them; that's a different Jen. A Jen who is comfortable sharing her phone number on the internet, while I'm the Jen who hasn't opened her e-mail inbox in 6 months.
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/howdy-pilgrim-2025